Nice people vs kind people

There are many types of people in this world. A kind of them is 'nice' people. I met some of them in my life. They always act like they are 'nice' people but found that actually they are not doing it in truly honest, truly earnest, truly generous and truly kind.

I find that this type of people who say they are ‘nice’ are using it as a euphemism for being spineless, bending on their standards, never rocking the boat, scared of being judged, and compromising to everyone around them. Being the lowest common denominator of any group they are in, so it's never to offend or inflame others.

Not only is that unimaginably boring, but it also describes someone who you don't know who you are dealing with. You don’t know what they are really feeling. You don't know what they would really like to do.

You ask them where they would like to go to eat tonight and they won't tell you. You ask them what they would like to do this weekend and you won't get a straight answer. You ask them if they were okay with that thing you just did that really annoyed them and they say it's fine.

They’re not honest about their feelings towards other people. They're not honest about things that aggravate or annoy them in life. They tend to just keep things on an even keel the entire time, holding onto the charade of being ‘nice’.

I’m referring to those who are always being ‘nice’ but not sincere from their heart. Deep down their heart, they expect things in return. I do not say it's wrong because this is a very personal personality and I respect who they are. I just think we should stop seeing it as some sort of noble work or some sort of noble human trait. Personally, I don't think it is a noble human trait.

I think they are just being afraid if they disclose their real feelings and real side of them, people will dislike them and start leaving them. They are lack of self-confidence, not being real, and insecurity always surround them. As an advice to them, we can always tell people our thoughts, feelings and needs in a polite way. People will try to understand you and respect the real you. By this way, you will earn the respect you deserved. Of course all these must be done sincerely from your heart.

As I think about this subject, I think about the movie 'The Mask'. I'm sure you have seen it. I remember when I saw this movie, what really struck me was how much of a nice guy Jim Carey’s character Stanley Ipkiss is.

He’s known for having finished a piece called ‘Nice Guys Finish Last’, because he sees himself as a nice guy and someone nobly, a nice guy who in some ways resents the world and feels like he is being done an injustice.

What we find is that when he puts on the mask is that he becomes a different character. He becomes bold, he becomes edgy, and he becomes uncompromising. He becomes a force or a strain that just drives towards whatever he wants, whether it’s women or money, and he goes out and gets what he wants.

Now, he becomes a very unattractive extreme of that, but what we know is that it’s a caricature of how he would actually like to be. He would like to be more bold, he would like to be more adventurous, he would like to be more edgy, he would like to step on someone every now and again when they tried to roll over his standards.

He doesn’t like who he is the rest of the time. He doesn't like when he is a nice guy. He hates when he’s a nice guy. He hates that version of himself, and he doesn’t respect it.

That’s what happens by the way to nice people I find. They don’t stay nice forever. They actually become bitter or resentful because they get angry at the world for treating them badly by thinking "How can you treat me badly when I'm trying to please everyone all the time?" Secondly, they get angry at themselves because they can't believe that they would allow themselves to be walked all over. They get angry that they allow people to step on them when should be out there going in claiming what they want.

The really insidious thing about niceness is that niceness can actually hurt the people that is intended to please. In being nice you are not honest with the people that you are trying to please, you don't give them the opinions that they need to hear, to grow and to change, you don't cut someone down when they need cutting down. You don't demand more respect that you need that respect and thereby teach them a lesson about you. And niceness can actually end up hurting the people it is intended to help.

The phrase, ‘to be cruel to be kind’, is actually a very telling one. It is because very often we have to have a sense of cruelty in order to tell someone something that will benefit them. It is actually a kind thing because this actually gonna help them, this gonna help them grow.

I believe the kind people deserve the world. Kind people should be given every award. Kind people should be given every bit recognition. Kind people make the world a better place, but not 'nice' people.